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Banana Tree Canteen

Banana Tree Canteen
412-416 St John Street
EC1V 4NJ

Date of Last Visit: Saturday, May 16th

The Victim: Me

The Damage: £15ish

The Background: I was in need of a quick lunch. I always walk by The Banana Tree and it's always got a good crowd in it, so I thought I would give it a shot.

The Entrance: Whoever designed the entrance is not claustrophobic. Seriously, there is absolutely no space between the door and the host stand. I wasn't quite sure where to put myself. Luckily, I was seated quickly before I fainted.

The Service: Fine. Nothing exciting. I was waited on two servers and they were both polite and nice.

The Starter: I started out with some sort of prawns. Fried. Rubbery. Bland. Tasteless. And despite the red flakes in the dipping sauce, there was no kick. No kick at all. Next?

The Main: I really should have written the name down. It was noodles of some sort. With chicken. They were rubbery. Bland. Tasteless. Are you sensing a theme to my review here?

The Weird Part: I'm not quite sure how to classify this restaurant. It was a bit Thai and a bit Malaysian and God knows what else. So I'm throwing it into my other Asian category.

The Verdict: Skip it. Blah.

Where Lunch Ends 12 Hours Later Part II

Oriental City is fun. I have no idea what most things are. I love the packaging.

There's a somewhat lonely and desolate air to the place, with a bit of tackiness thrown in on the side. The cashiers are grouchy, and loos off the foodcourt are some of the worst I've seen.

We pick up our sake and head to Alexandra Palace for the fireworks. I've never been to Alexandra Palace before and I'm super-impressed by the sweeping views of London. We conduct our second taste test of the day--the Sake taste test--and are split on the winner.

Ben likes the gold bottle. Me, I like the green. I think Gerry was somewhat split between them. As we have no idea what the bottles say, well...

The fireworks commence and they're pretty fantastic, although the music reminds me of a high school dance. I don't think they've reworked the soundtrack since 1992.

The night is not over yet--it's only around 9 by the time we leave. Heck, in many ways, it's still getting started. We have six more hours of adventure in front of us...

Where Lunch Ends 12 Hours Later, Part I

Cat Power – You May Know Him

I am on the tube--the Northern Line. I need to get to Collindale--N22, if you can belive that! I am switching to the Edgware Branch at Camden and I am almost alone on the platform. An odd thing on a Saturday afternoon.

There is an attractive man sitting on the bench. A very attractive man. And he's with a little girl of about 3. Maybe 4. She's blond. Very blond.

I am looking at them and thinking how cute she is, how very very attractive he is. And what nice hands he has. And then it hits me.

It's Chris Martin from Coldplay. And that's Apple. As is Gwyneth Paltrow and Apple.

Before I was just looking at them. Now I'm staring them. He totally sees me staring at him. The train arrives. He puts his hood up and gets on the train. I follow them. I NEVER see anyone famous (except for Amy Winehouse once in a bar in Camden).

No one else on the train seems to know it's them but me. I know if they get off at Belsize, it's definitely them. But I'm pretty sure it's them anyhow. They do get off at Belsize and the girl sitting closest to me looks at me and says "Was that who I think it was?"

Yes. It was.

My destination, as I mentioned, is, N22. I'm on my way to Oriental City--an Asian shopping mall--to meet Gerry & Ben for lunch. My heart still palpitating with lust for Mr. Martin--I never even thought he was cute until today--we three rendevous at the station and make the short walk to London's largest Asian supermarket.

I like Oriental City. It's a bit tatty. But it's fun. There's Hello Kitty paraphenalia and lots of Japanese pottery and chopsticks. I'm going back for the Japanese pottery alone.

We are really there for the food court. There are about 12 Asian food stalls gathered around a large number of picnic tables. You wander from one stall to the next, ordering food and getting a number. When they calll your number, you get your food.

We order dim sum from the two competing dim sum stands. I've heard that Dim Sum House is the better of the two and am proven right when we get through Battle of the Pork Buns. The pork buns from Dim Sum House are soft and airy, and the meat is plentiful and well-seasoned.  Not so from the competing house, whose offering is so inconsequential, I have forgotten the stall name.

We get a Korean pancake which is quite nice. And some California rolls and tuna rolls from the Japanese stall, which are only average. We wash this all down with a few Singhas before making our way to the Sake department of the supermarket, where we pick up three small bottles of different Sakes. We need some drinks for the fireworks in a few hours.

It's a good day. And it's only the beginning.

Arepas in Camden, Gilgamesh, and The Cuban

The Date: Sunday, July 8, 2007

The Victim: Stacey

The Damage: Well, it was probably something like £40, but I loaned Stace some money so she could buy some fab dresses and she insisted on paying for a lot more than she should have from there on out.

The Background: It's funny...I've just been on the phone to Rutton (it's 8 p.m. on a Sunday as a write this), and I told him about my day. And he said, "You're very good at planning your weekends."

And that gave me pause. Because although I'd so like that to be true, it's not. I'm a planner, for sure, but planners can't plan alone.

So yesterday, I was supposed to go over to Al & Louise's for a barbecue with baby Oscar. (Al & Louise have the distinction of being this American gal's "English friends.") At 8:30 a.m., I checked my phone and there was a message from Al that said something like...

"Stuck my head in a bucket of PIMS last night. I'm dying. Barbecue is off. Sorry."

So that left me wondering what to do next. (Cue Al Green, Tired of Being Alone.) Result? I read Vogue. I read Travel & Leisure. I update my blog. I start the dinner music mix for Matt & Feathers' wedding. I hang out on my patio. I rent a car in Mexico. I call my friend Brian who is somewhere in the Middle East. I pick things up, I put things down. In short, I do nothing until around 8:30 p.m. when I head over to Au Lac for dinner with Chris & Evelien.

Fast forward to Sunday morning. I have plans to have brunch with K&A. I get back from my run around 10:30 a.m. and there's a text from K...they're not feeling very brunchlike. How about dinner on Tuesday instead?

Sigh. Cue Al Green again. The best laid plans.

Enter Stacey and a "What are you doing?" text around 1 p.m. And a trip to Camden. And the most delicious lunch ever...arepas from Arepa & Co, live from Venezuela. An arepa is a cornmeal patty. I love cornmeal. I love grits, corn bread, corn muffins...and arepas. Ours were stuffed with beef, beans, and cheese. They were super-delicious. You should get one sometime. Get me one too while you're at it. Or e-mail me first and we'll go together.

And then...we went to Gilgamesh...
Camden Stables Market
Chalk Farm Rd
NW1 8AH
Tel: 020 7482 5757

Have you read about Gilgamesh? Well, it's huge. And you take an escalator to get there. And there's a lot of carved wood. It reminds me of a hotel in a small city in China. It's trying really hard from a decor standpoint. But at 3 p.m. on a Sunday afternoon when the market is packed, Gilgamesh is empty.

We are shown to the bar area and we wait forever for someone to take our order. We just get drinks. Fruity cocktails. They are actually quite pleasing, but they're pricey. £9.50 maybe? Eventually, our server drops off some complimentary prawn crackers. And an hour or so later when she gives us our bill, it's £5.23. :) I was so very tempted. But the Catholic guilt kicks in.

I go to the ladies and I am again reminded of being in a hotel in small city in China. There is a mop bucket and some mops in the stairwell, as well as some red velvet ropes. Dude, that stuff should be in a closet. And in the ladies', there are orange traffic cones. Because apparently, they're about to start some roadwork. How random.

We tried to eat, but they wouldn't let us, despite having a bar menu. Apparently, they don't serve any food between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m. Not even food from steam baskets. (You know, because that's hard.) Bummer. But we can have some more prawn crackers.

Stacey and I decide that we would maybe come back to hang out at Gilgamesh. It's in a good location, and the decor is sorta cool. And it's so weirdly bizarre. Although I do pray for the rainforests. 

So...in our search for sustenance, we decide on a CHANGE of VENUE!

The Cuban
The Long Stables
Chalk Farm Road
NW1 8AH
Tel: 02074240692

Well, we like The Cuban immediately because there is live music. And the band rocks. And every so often, a few people get up to dance. It's fun.

We get some mojitos, and we get some food. It's bar food...quesadillas (with goat cheese?), croquettas, and something The Cuban calls Nachos, but I call "the bottom of the tortilla chip bag, with some sour cream spread on top." Yikes. Nachos are the easiest thing to get right...why do so many (non-American, non-Mexican) people screw them up?

But then I got thinking--what if they got the Arepas guys to come in and make Arepas? (I've had arepas in Puerto Rico, so I am guessing that Cubans do arepas too?) That would be a sure hit.

The Verdict: Love Arepa & Co. Intrigued by Gilgamesh, but frightened as well. Had fun at The Cuban, but wouldn't eat there and would only go back if I knew that there were many mojitos were in my future.

Pan-Asian: Cicada

132-136 St John Street
EC1V 4JT
Te: 020 7608 1550

Date of Last Visit: Friday, February 2, 2006

The Victims: Conrad, Laura, Rob

The Damage: £16 each + Drinks (paid for separately at the bar)

The Background: We were over at Conrad's place, making plans and drinking red wine. Our stomachs started talking to us, so it was time for sustenance. Cicada is right down the road from Conrad's flat and he is a not infrequent visitor. I had heard mixed reviews about Cicada, but good company always wins out, so off we went.

The Arrival: Rob was waiting for us at the bar, and we quickly put our name in for a table and got ourselves some beer. The staff there had just turned away a party of two--they told the couple that they couldn't take them for another 45 minutes or more. We put in for a table of four and almost immediately after placing our drink order at the bar, we were seated.

Now this brings up an interesting conundrum: when I was a hostess in the US, if we had an unreserved table available, it went to whoever asked for it, regardless of party size. If that meant sitting two people at a "four top," that was fine. So I felt bad for the couple who were turned away because if they had just adopted a random stranger from the bar (and becoming a party-of-three), they totally could have eaten. I've also noted in my "career" there are lots of parties-of-two who will out eat, out dessert, and out drink a party-of-four. So why pass them over for the unknown? And you know the really sad thing? I looked around the restaurant 30 minutes later and there were a bunch of empty tables. Those 2 people totally should have had one.

The Food: We ordered a bunch of things and had them delivered randomly to the table. There was edamame, of course. And some squid in a paper funnel that was quite nice. And some great pad thai. I ordered the duck pancakes and they told me it was available, but then they later told me they were out. By that point, it would have taken too long for any additional food to arrive, so I got a beer instead. This was sad because I left the restaurant just a little too hungry still.

The Service: It was her second shift.  A little more menu training and she'll be fine.

The Verdict: You know, I liked Cicada. I'd be interested in knowing what people disliked about it, because I thought it was pretty decent.

Malaysian: Melati

21 Great Windmill Street
W1D 7LQ
Tel: 020 7437 2745

Date of Last Visit: Sunday, April 24

The Victims: Brian, Jeff, Rafa, Ana, Bernard, Sarah

Every so often, I get together with my former classmates for some sort of brunch. Because we're a motley international crew, we like to pick someplace relatively international. Qualities we look for are large restaurants, no booking necessary, and good/interesting food.

After some searching, and feeling like trying a new cuisine, I chose Melati. I headed over to Picadilly and wisely avoided spending any money at HMV before lunch--but did not escape my fate after lunch! Bad Krista!

So then I entered Melati. And honestly, it smelled like pee. But maybe that's just the oil they cook in. So I cut them some slack.

The music was fantastic. It was like my high school prom. Tainted Love! And the vegetable fritter starters were AMAZING. I fell in love and forgot about the urine smell. Besides for the fritters however, everything else in our vegetable-mixed-starters plate was a bit questionable and I stayed away from it.

OK, and here's where I made more mistakes. I had read some reviews of Malaysian restaurants elsewhere and everyone was talking about Nasi Lamak. The coconut rice part sounded delicious. And it was a Sunday, so the fried egg was also an intriguing option.  And I do appreciate a good anchovy. But well, the execution was just not what I expected. The anchovies were dried, and the curried part was super spicy. I ate the egg and the rice but golly--that wasn't enough. Get me another vegetable fritter!!!

Service throughout was nice, but a bit weird. At one point at the beginning, they made us all get up and move down two tables, rather than just moving one table away from us. It was annoying. And I wasn't quite sure if they understood our English! But oh well. What can you do?

The Verdict: Funny smell is the clincher for me. I made the mistake of ordering the wrong dish for me, and I can't hold that against them. I'm just not sure I'd go back! Perhaps only to eat the vegetable fritters. A big plate of them!